Let's Just Bomb Everybody -- Preemptively, of course

General Jack D. Ripper has invaded another blog, mongering fear and hate for just about everyone our government distrusts. I suspect he is one of those CIA-type trolls who haunt the internet attempting God-knows-what. He'd like us to go after Iran, Russia, China, North Korea, Saudi Arabia, and numerous others. With so many target, the solution couldn't be more simple.

The following is meant to simplify his life, and possibly ours.

Terrorists know no borders.

We gotta get them before they get us.

They are hiding everywhere, just like the Commies before them. Probably under someone's bed in just about every country in the world, except maybe Israel.

So, let's just bomb them all! And not give any of them a chance to hurt us again. That way, we won't have to worry about overpopulation, global climate change, or an oil shortage.

Gee, if we no longer have to share the world's resources with anyone else, we can get Hummer production up again in no time. Detroit, you'll be back on top in no time!

We just might have to be careful about the air, though. Pesky stuff, that radioactive fallout.

But come to think of it, that too could work for us. I bet fallout only kill the lefties, fags, and atheists. After all, We The People (who govern), will all be comfortable in our underground, air conditioned bunkers, supplied with a thousand years of Twinkies. Hell, we could have a party.

Yeah, that's the ticket. Preemptive nuclear strikes. And Israel, you're too Jewish anyway. May as well clean out you folks too.

Damn shame that Neutron Bomb ain't ready yet.


(Apologies to Terry Southern & Stanley Kubrick)

- Arye Michael Bender